Google Maps Tourism

Fiction: A runaway daydream.

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I have engaged in shameless tourism via Google Maps, and I have the screenshots to prove it. On any given day, I can sit on my bed and wonder what a Fred Meyer supermarket would look like in Nampa, Idaho, and within three minutes I’m virtually in front of the store. I can see the whole layout of the foundation, where the loading docks are, and all the different exits and entrances. When I’m doing this, I realize this is the closest experience that I can have to mimicking what God sees and feels.

It’s hard not to daydream when I’m engaged in my Google Maps globetrotting. Many people have vices to escape the physical world, and Google Maps is mine.

While clicking around the premises of the supermarket in Idaho, I imagine myself driving an old pickup truck around the north driveway to deliver some dry produce to the loading dock. It’s not snowing very hard, but enough for me to have to squint and use the windshield wipers. As I get out of the truck, my boot gets stuck in a pothole that has been hidden by the snow. With one wrong twist of my body I am in mortal pain and writhing around on the ground.

And so I imagine this is how the lawsuit begins. A doctor tells me that my ankle is broken and I will never regain the full range of motion that I once had. I will have a limp for the rest of my life.

I sue Fred Meyer and Kroger for everything they’ve got. It’s not a very high-profile case, but it’s enough for a handful of people to click on the article while mindlessly scrolling at work.

I come into the courtroom on crutches, slowly and silently, not looking anyone in the eye. I take my seat. I have to make my case to the judge and the jury on what grounds I’m suing. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I’m mostly suing Kroger for my loss of quality of life. I tell the jury that I’ve never had the desire to take swing dance classes, but if the idea ever did appeal to me someday, I would no longer be able to act on this inclination due to my injury. And if I had been able to take this swing dance class, there is a really good chance I could have had a life-changing event in that dance class, but now I will never know.

What I assumed would have happened in that class was that I would catch the eye of my future wife. I thought that she would be charmed by my earnest effort and willingness to make myself vulnerable in an unfamiliar environment. She would take my hand, we would lock eyes, and in one look I knew she would understand that every single thing I had done wrong in life was based out of love and never hatred.

Our marriage was going to last forever. We would have built a life together. Possibly one where I owned and operated a failing laser-tag-themed pizza restaurant that sucked all our money dry, but she still stuck by my side because that’s the type of woman my wife was.

Once I’m done recounting, I open my eyes and see that there is not a dry eye in the room. I won the lawsuit and was rewarded with a large sum of money. On the cab ride home, I thought about what I would do with all my new wealth. I thought about what it would be like to be the proud owner of several all-terrain vehicles. Or what if I created a new frozen food item that took the world by storm? I could print 3D service animals for healing exercises with retired vets. I could do anything I wanted.

I close my laptop and toss it aside on my bed because I am done with my Google Maps tourism. I curl up on my side and stare at my wall. I think about how I can do irreparable damage to my own mind by thinking the wrong thoughts.

Thank God I know my limits.

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Behind the Scenes

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