Lefties

Fiction: You have to hand it to them.

Someone has made a TikTok about having no right arm. She's mad about tools designed for right-handed people. Someone else is making TikToks about Boston University having no left-handed desks. Someone else is making TikToks about how to file for reasonable campus accommodations for left handedness.

BU has been forced to buy left-handed desks. Most universities have been forced to buy left-handed desks. Righties keep sitting in the left-handed desks. Someone made a lefty symbol with a white palm on purple. Someone else changed it to a yellow palm. Someone else changed it to a blue palm. Someone else has started selling lefty sign stickers on Etsy.

People have started sticking the stickers on the lefty desks. People have started making TikToks of righties sitting in the lefty desks. BU has put official lefty stickers on the lefty desks. Righties cannot sit at the lefty desks.

Someone is documenting lefties in history. Someone says Charlie Chaplin was the first confirmed lefty Oscar winner. Someone says Jimi Hendrix was forced to play upside-down because of his leftiness. Someone is trying to get you to stop saying 'sinister.' Blumhouse has let Scott Derrickson's overall deal lapse because he made the movie Sinister. Jason Blum has privately told Scott Derrickson he will be re-hired in a few years. An assistant has leaked this email from Jason Blum. Lionsgate has condemned the Jason Blum email but they have not ended their relationship with Blumhouse. Blumhouse has announced a film adaptation of The Left Hand of Darkness with an all-lefty cast.

Someone has passed a bill requiring lefty versions of everything. Someone has passed a bill requiring lefty versions be the same price. The federal government has started collecting information on the presence of lefties in corporate settings. The federal government will only hire contractors with a certain amount of lefties.

Someone has estimated a third of people are lefties. More people are lefties every time someone does a poll. There are not enough lefty desks at BU.

A representative from Kentucky just said you can choose to be right-handed. A representative from Belarus just said they have no lefties there. A giant statue of a left hand has gone up at the American embassy in Poland. The president has started using his left hand to shake hands with world leaders. Someone has been fired from ESPN for refusing to shake with his left hand.

An Instagram post says ambidextrous people are the worst of all. An Instagram post says ambidextrous people are either self-hating lefties or dishonest righties. An Instagram post says there is no such thing as an ambidextrous person. Another Instagram post says ambidexterity is another valid expression of leftyness, and this gets more likes. Two-thirds of BU's incoming class is lefties. There are once again not enough lefty desks.

Someone has written a very long post about how Netanyahu is only pretending to be a lefty. Everyone watches you now when you pick up your fork. Everyone watches which foot you lead with when you walk, because the fork thing can be faked. Indeed has decided they want to know your handedness, to connect you with more opportunities. No one wants to say leftyness is hereditary. No one wants to say leftyness is learned. The federal government has placed a ban on research related to the development of handedness.

The new chancellor of Germany has said he does not care about your handedness as long as you do well in his cabinet. The New York Times says erasing lefties is step one of twelve on the danger scale. The new German government has failed to form a coalition.

A lot of people are saying Jesus Christ was a lefty. A lot of people are allowing Muslims to use their right hands because of their faith. A lot of people are funding lefty groups in the Middle East. The Taliban has started executing suspected lefties.

The number of reported lefties is dropping slightly for the first time in history. The Washington Post is very concerned about increasing polarization against lefties. Jeff Bezos has fired the editor of The Washington Post. Jeff Bezos has said he's proud to be right-handed. No one can do anything about Jeff Bezos.

Someone has created a righty symbol. Someone else is selling the righty symbol on Etsy. The righty symbol has been banned from Etsy. The righty symbol has been banned at BU. People are still buying the righty symbol on Zazzle. There has been an election in the United States and both sides won. The new administration is taking down all the portraits of lefties in the White House. The new administration has lifted the research ban.

Lady Gaga has been passed up for a role because it's not a good time to cast lefties. Tom Cruise has been making an effort to use his right hand more during stunts. You have to bring in a parental permission slip to write with your left hand in Alabama. Only a third of Americans now say they're lefties. The pope has said God loves both handednesses equally and everyone is mad at the pope.

A biotech startup thinks it has a cure for leftyness. Another biotech startup thinks it can induce leftyness in the womb. 86% of Americans are using either one or the other. Everyone is trying to federally ban or federally cover one or both of the therapeutics.

No one remembers the girl with one arm on TikTok. No one remembers anything. There are still devices for lefties and righties. There are schools for lefties and righties. A few lefties are trying to start a movement to deright writing by writing right to left.

When you meet a man he looks at your hands and you look at his. By how he extends one he is your friend or he is your enemy. It's written somewhere in his body. No one knows where. But you know if he is your enemy.